The truth hurts.

While I know I can't change the world, seeing the world has changed me forever.

An estimated 3.7 million people in Somalia - 1/3 to 1/2 of the population - are starving to death. Millions more in Djibouti, Ethiopia, Kenya and Uganda are struck by the worst drought in decades. This is miles from where my son is this very minute. This is now part of my story.

And our headlines? Jennifer Lopez gets divorced (shocker), Hustler offers Casey Anthony $500k (sick), insert headline of the week about over-paid, whiney professional athletes (gag). 

Here I sit, in my air-conditioned home, hundreds of breakfast cereals to chose from at the store a few miles away in my car, limitless, clean water from the tap, any kind of entertainment at my fingertips, shopping malls on every corner with anything I could ever need.. privileged and naive beyond comprehension. I am not saying that I - or we - don't work hard for what we have. I don't want to go political here. I am just overwhelmed with the idea that because of where I was born and how I was raised, I have this life. Because of where they were born, they don't have a chance to live.

I don't mean to sound Pollyanna but I realize I do. I am a self-admitted shoe-addict, after all. I'm just as bad as anyone in my consumption and ignorance. I am really struggling with all of this. Ignorance is bliss, right? Yeah. Ignorance was a few weeks ago. 

While I've traveled extensively and lived in Europe, and visited Mexico, Central America and other areas of the world, nothing could have prepared me for Africa. And now, on top of the already out-of-control poverty, disease (HIV), and hunger, there's this.

I can't change the world, but I can be more conscious about my decisions and how I choose to live. It's easier to go on on as usual, isn't it? Ignorance is bliss, right? The question for me, is: will I be a strong and compassionate enough person to even try.

I love him.

Already. Completely. Totally. 

Homeward bound.

In 6 hours we leave for Dulles (via Rome), then on to Denver. So anxious to get home, so sad to leave.

More soon.

-Selam

We're Officially Parents! (In Ethiopia, anyway...)

On Monday, July 18^th, we passed court! It was a very quick/surreal experience. We were in front of the judge for all of about 5 minutes. And now, if we could stay in Ethiopia, we could take custody of BBS. Instead, we have to be content with a couple more visits and hope for a quick return. There’s a letter everyone who has passed court is waiting on from the Ministry of Women and Children which is delaying things by about 3 weeks. So – absolute best case scenario would be getting BBS home in 6 weeks. Unless – by some miracle, things speed up! And I do now believe in miracles!

We have now gotten a few smiles, today I even got giggles! It was THE BEST THING EVER! We were working on "turning over", and my ponytail tickled his forehead. He started giggling and dang was that the best thing I've ever seen. We’re awestruck. This is be the most beautiful, sweetest, smartest baby ever. 

BBS has a cough/cold which he has generously passed to me. I want to get him home and get him healthy. I don’t want to miss a second of his life now, and knowing that I will miss things is mind-numbingly hard. He’ll have a few teeth when we come back. He’ll hopefully be better at sitting/crawling. He needs one-on-one attention so badly – and I just know he is gong to absolutely thrive with mama and baba (daddy) loving on him - he already has. For the first time in his life, he’ll have consistent care – the same 2 people feeding him, changing him, putting him down and answering his cries, tickling him and helping him learn. I can’t imagine how we will say goodbye to him on Friday, so, I’m not thinking about it. Anyone want to sponsor me to live in Africa for a few months??

Terry has gone to the North of Ethiopia to see where BBS is from. I was to go too, but with this cold / stomach bug, I am still here in Addis. I got approval for an extra visit with BBS – they’re super strict on how often we see him, which is strange, because we could take custody now if we could stay here.  I miss Terry already – I’m excited for him on his excursion. I can't wait to tell him about my day with BBS and all the giggles, and hear how his trip is going. I miss Jackson, too. 

And finally, there’s a mama dog (woosha) here at the guest house who had 9 puppies the same morning I became a mama – so I’d better go check on the puppies, and give her more beef jerky so she can keep her strength. The drivers for the guest house who hang out in the street watch over her and they made her a make-shift shelter for her and the pups. So I think she’ll be ok. But I think she is going to miss the organic, grass-feed beef jerky when I’m gone.

Thanks for all your prayers, thoughts and good wishes. God has definitely heard!

Hearts 'a bursting.

Selam -

Addis Ababa is mind-boggling – on any given road one will see beggars, goats, donkeys, people hauling goods, raw meat hanging to dry, produce stands, make-shift homes of rubble, kids, barefoot playing soccer with bound up tape and paper as the ball, people selling everything from gum to jewelry. Next to a crippled beggar you’ll see someone who looks like they just walked out from a very chic night club. The sights, sounds and smells of Addis are hard to describe - so varied, colorful, shocking and intense. Hiding behind the high walls with razor wire perched on them, warning the outsiders to stay out, are homes that look like a suburban home you’d see in an average US neighborhood. Right next to that, you’ll see a woman with babies living on the street.

I think the best way to describe this trip is “contradictory”. The children begging are heartbreaking, and the sick and maimed people and animals are hard to see. So there’s a great feeling of sadness at the same time a great feeling of happiness for our reason to be here. We are constantly reminded of our extreme privilege. I had some culture shock the first few days, but now feel comfortable and even affectionate towards this remarkable city. (Except for the pollution.)

We had our second visit with BBS. They brought him into the room and we had the most amazing two hours, we will never forget it. We played with him, carried him around, talked to him and looked at each other with amazement, each moment our love for this little baby growing. We fed him a bottle, during which he would reach up and touch Terry’s face, or grab on to my hair. When he had a full belly, we were able to rock him to sleep. And I held my sleeping baby for the first time ever. I think both of our hearts swelled to bursting.

The orphanage doesn’t take visitors on the weekend so we won’t see him again until Monday – and that cannot come soon enough. Monday is also the day we go to court to hopefully get custody of BBS. If that goes well, it’s a matter of US investigations and more paperwork chasing and hopefully returning in 6 weeks to bring this sweet boy home.

Tuesday we head up to Northern Ethiopia in hopes of documenting the area BBS was born, and the first care center he was taken to. And then Friday night late we fly back home.

That’s all for now, we’re exhausted, have been going every second. It has been the most mind-blowing trip of a lifetime, for sure. 

The picture is taken on the hour's drive to the care center, which takes us out Addis into areas a bit more rural.

July 14, 2011

Selam (peace!)

We met our son this morning!

 We can’t share photos, but he’s gorgeous. I mean he is absolutely beautiful.

It was about an hours’ drive to the orphanage/care center. It was the most surreal experience of our lives. They took us into a room (around 8x8) with pillows on the floor and some toys. One of the nannies walked in with BBS, handed him to me, and left. (Seriously! She left – does she know we have no experience with kids??) Our driver, Efram, took the flip and started filming, Terry took our camera and took some pictures. BBS looked right at me, he touched my face, then held on tight to my hair. Then it was Terry’s turn, I handed him his son. And again, BBS touched his lips and his face. And I took pictures. We then proceeded to stand there, in shock, and not know quite what to do. The driver suggested we walk around the care center – so we did.

It’s a very clean/new facility. Although the drive to get there takes one through 3^rd world country scenery the likes of which I have never seen. More on that later.

BBS was very quiet, not fussy at all. He can clearly hear and see, he reached for things and liked to hold our fingers (or my hair). He was observant but we could not, for over an hour of trying, get him to smile.  He has a little cough and a runny nose. Oh, and he did throw up on me. So I guess that makes it somewhat official.

It’s hard to put this experience into words. The best we can do right now is to remember to breathe.

a ma se ge na le hu

After what was probably the most delightful non-business class overseas flight I’ve ever taken, Terry and I find ourselves amazed and confused in Addis Ababa, the capitol of Ethiopia. As hard as it is to believe, 12.5 hours actually seemed to go by fairly quickly. Ethiopian Air has a new fleet of 777’s all with personal entertainment screens and what seems like a bit more space (a few inches) than coach on most airlines. Terry was able to get some ambien-induced sleep, I was able to get some ambien-induced bad movie-watching in.

We landed at 8am, zipped through getting our Visas and Customs, picked up all 3 bags (yay!) and came to the hotel we’re staying at tonight – before proceeding to the guest house where we’ll be staying for the next 4 nights, tomorrow.

In what was somewhat of a surprise - we talked to our agency’s legal council and learned we’d be able to see BBS today!! So after a good nap, we headed to the care center (formerly known as the orphanage) with our driver. Well… then a kink in the plan. Turns out, BBS is actually at a different care center – although in the same system – about an hour away. So we couldn’t see him today, it was too late.

I'm not sure if it was the 12.5 hour flight with no sleep, the culture shock, or the thought of meeting our son within moments, only to have it not happen – but I got a little upset. I managed to keep myself somewhat composed, as the full-on tantrum I wanted to have would have neither been culturally acceptable, nor appropriate for a glowing new mother. (Terry was of course his patient and courteous self, thankfully.) Long story shorter, we’ll meet BBS tomorrow morning. Maybe best for all of to do so when well-rested.

Addis is amazing – more on that when we’re able to post pics, or see through the smog – whichever happens first.

And the reason I wrote “ we find ourselves amazed and confused” is because that’s exactly what we’re feeling. It’s one thing to jump on a plane and fly to what has been described as “not a third-world, but a fifth-world country” in 24 hours. It’s another thing entirely to add to that meeting your son for the first time. So yes, we’re excited, yes, we’re nervous and yes – we’re not quite sure what we are right now. What could be more amazing than THIS experience? And we’re happy to be here. And I'm especially happy to be here with Terry - of all people, who is my much better half. 


So - we just look at each other and laugh, thinking: O M G ! Seriously? Really? O M G! Wow. I really can't put it into words right now - I wish I could, more eloquently. It’s the most life-changing thing we’ve ever experienced. And it's only just begun.

The only other thing to say here is that we have spent all day trying to say “thank you” in Amharic.  (a ma se ge na le hu). I did say thank you in German, though, so at least I'm trying. 

Stay tuned. And thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers - 'cause we really can feel them.