Saturday minus one.

It's been a nice Saturday. We had breakfast with friends, then got the dog (Jackson) and went on a great hike. It was sunny and beautiful out, with just enough snow for Jackson to play in. It would have been really nice to have a little one along to complete our family.

Maybe it is because it's been a year since we started this process, maybe it's because we passed a few couples with dogs and small children on the hike, but I'm really missing our baby today. How can you miss something you don't have? I'm not sure - but we both do. 

For the past few months, I've tried to put the adoption situation out of my mind with varying degrees of success. It seems, lately, to be coming into my head, and my heart, much more often. There is space in our lives and our hearts for this child. It's getting closer, I know it.

Namaste.

A Whole Year. And Thicker Skin.

Well, we've been at this for a year now. The adoption process, that is. We both thought we'd be traveling to Nepal over the holidays in 2009, and be home in early 2010 with our baby. That was based on not only our gut feelings, but on expectations that were set for us.

Although we were prepared for a wait, and had been advised of the risks involved with international adoption, I don't think either of us would have expected this last year to be what it has been. The news and movement has been so little - that we can't help but be a bit down and saddened. While we've put the day when we'll meet our baby out of our immediate minds (not buying baby things, preparing the room, nor talking much about it), I don't think an hour goes by when I don't think of it.

But, in my life I've seen things happen that I never would have expected, nor did I see coming. We are where we are - and that is in complete and total unknowing. And I can't help but wonder what's in store for us. I sure hope it's a family... but that seems so incredibly far away right now.

Namaste.