We went to a potluck with our Nepal group on Saturday. Another family has gotten their child home, and the final family in the group is now headed to Nepal to bring their child home.
The brood has certainly expanded since I sent the first email invitation nearly 2 years ago to get these people, once strangers, together for a meal. And neater, more real people we've rarely met. There were lots of kiddos - including 2 - soon to be 3 from Nepal. Also represented were China, USA and Kaz. And I was struck by how gorgeous all these kids were - all these different shades of skin, hair and eyes.
Looking at these beautiful kids run and scream with joy and play together nearly did me in. (I think I went outside 6 times in the first hour and dug my fingernails into my arm to keep from what would surely be a very ugly cry. I still have marks.) I mean - I am talking every single one of these kids is just absolutely beautiful and perfect - including the youngest member, a sweet shiny-new biological baby girl on her first outing.
So yeah - it tore my heart to pieces. But I did the best I could to feel happiness that these children had found such great families, and these families had been blessed with such beautiful children. I didn't allow myself to focus on "why not us". I just shut it all out, just for now, and let it be about them.
3 comments:
Strength. And a lot of it. You have strength. It's not just something little. It's something huge.
Sorry, this part just plain stinks and I hate it for you :(
But...because I'm now on the other side of it, I couldn't help but fast forward a little in my mind....I look forward to your post about this same dinner next year, when you'll be outside for a different reason-- because your baby won't sit in a high chair for more than 2 minutes at a time :) Only you won't be digging your nails into your arm out of frustration because unlike moms who came into motherhood "the easy way," you KNOW what frustration is, and it is NOT having a wiggly baby in a restaurant! You will get there. You will get there. You will get there.
Thank you for coming, it was wonderful to see you and we all know how painful it was for you to sit and watch. They do not make it easy to ignore them, do they?? I appreciate you NOT getting in a cab and driving away. But I do appreciate your friendship. Thank you for sticking this out with us through all of our pain the last 6 months and we are here to stick it out for however long this takes for you guys. xoxo
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