The big G

Big G little g, what begins with G? Not only goats with goo goo goggles, but GIARDIA.

Hopefully this explains the 7-8 poopy diapers a day around here! Little dude has giardia. He tested negative back in December, but positive this month. I sure hope the antibiotics work the first time and we see some changes in the volume of poop around here. To say that much poop is crappy - is an understatement! The jury is still out as to whether he brought it back from Africa and just tested negative or picked it up eating out of Jackson's bowl. (This is not a behavior I intentionally allow, by the way...)

I had giardia this fall after our trip to Ethiopia and it took me 3 months to get rid of it. While the 10-pound weight loss was great, the jumping up and running out of meetings and pulling into random gas stations and fast-food joints every few hours was not. Incidentally, for me, the 2 rounds of antibiotics didn't even phase the buggers. I finally found relief working with a holistic doc who hooked me up with super Artemisinin (the active constituent of the herb sweet wormwood) to kill it off. Worked like a charm.

Good news - it hasn't kept the pork chop from gaining weight, that's for sure...

Airplanes, tractors, meltdowns and quite a debut.

I'm writing from the air somewhere above mid-America en route from Atlanta to Denver. We went to Jackson, Mississippi this week for a visit with family and Samuel's official debut into society in the South. The flights to Jackson were awesome. While prepared for the worst, the little dude surprised us and slept the entire way to Atlanta, then hung on for the 1-hour flight on to Jackson and played in our laps. A meltdown started to ensue as we were waiting to de-plane in Jackson, but a sweet and very observant mama a row back intervened just in time. Thank you, parents of the world, for your help at the most difficult times! I promise to pass it on. 

The second day in Jackson brought with it a very grumpy Samuel. We did get out for walks and that helped. His big thing right is any kind of motor vehicle, for which he chirps in his high voice: "tractor" with glee, while wildly and very seriously trying to make sure we see whatever plane, car, truck or tractor in view. Even in our books and flash cards he points out trucks and cars with much drama, while nearly ignoring things like kittens or fruit.

Terry's parents friends had an absolutely wonderful party for Sam, and everyone got to meet - or at least see the new grandson. There were probably 50-60 people who stopped by in the 2-hours. The little dude did really well for about 90 minutes. And mama and daddy were worn out chasing Sam around a beautifully decorated, non-baby proofed house with a few one-step transitions from room to room. IE - steps for Sam's favorite hobby - mini-cliff diving without a parachute. Between avoiding the crashes, soothing him after the crashes, keeping him occupied and away from the steps (not successful at all) I didn't get to visit with too many people, unfortunately.

But again - just as the meltdowns started, a few amazing mamas stepped in at just the right minute with distracting books, snacks or to take a quick stroll outside. Again. Thank you, you amazing people who have done what we are trying to do and offer such simple wisdom and support it turns my heart upside-down! 

There was one really funny bit - although I think Sam and I were the only ones who noticed it. When Sam started to fuss one of the wonderful mothers gave him a book (he loves books) that has buttons you can press and it says colors associated with pictures of things that color. So, Sam and I sat in a chair - and read the book. It became a bit of a receiving line - people streamed by to get a look at him since he was semi-still. And, all of these wonderful people happened to be white. Samuel being Samuel was very much taken with the talking book. And, especially, for some reason, with the "black" button. So while streams of wonderfully nice and lovely and white people pinched his cheek, Sam was pushing the button: "black!", "black!", "black!", "black!" over, and over. I was laughing so hard on the inside I could barely contain myself. And THAT, people, is my son.

I had to leave today to get back to some work stuff. Terry is staying another few days with his family who are becoming enchanted with Samuel despite the 18-month old fussiness we've recently developed. At the airport this morning, Samuel screamed when I closed the door - and reached for me. I'm hugging Terry goodbye, and see Sam through the window screaming and crying. OMG. I felt awful. Absolutely fricking awful. I know, parents have to leave their kids sometimes. But I'm the mommy - and I feel, after his first year of so much transition, I shouldn't leave. I'm sorry pork chop! The guilt. The guilt

Happy Mama!

I guess this makes total sense, but I hadn't thought of it until just now. Samuel is learning to feel in all kinds of ways. In addition to showing his opinion when he's frustrated, he is also starting to show love. And it just makes mama melt! He will come up and grab my legs, he likes to be carried a lot (mostly to see what's happening up high, I think) and he lays his head down on my chest while I'm holding him sometimes. It makes sense that if he trusts us enough to show us he's pissed off, he can trust us enough to show us he loves us.

Samuel - we're so proud of you, baby boy! You're so brave and so strong. So funny and full of life. And we love you more each day. Thank you for learning to trust us as we take this journey together.

Mama + Samuel + Jackson on Easter

Just doing one of our favorite things together - reading!

Bubbles are fun, daddy!

Peek a boo!

The Arch

No, not this one:

Or this one:

I'm talking about "THE ARCH". The one where the little brown toddler throws his head back, arches his back, screams his opinion. Yup. The arch has arrived in the Stone household. We knew it would come. And here it is. The first sightings were in the past week when we took away things said toddler was throwing. Yesterday was the most spectacular viewing yet when we took away the "car" and firetruck" flashcards to bring the little pork-chop to the table for dinner. Arched back, arms flailing, tears, screaming, and the eventual head on the floor. Guess he really likes those cards. The incidents have only lasted a few seconds, and the subject's attention can be quickly diverted. But we know that the arch will be with us for a while, and will be come more, uh, persistent in nature. The kid has opinions and he's more and more willing to share. (Again, my husband and parents remind me often that this is my biological child. Pffffffft.) I'm overwhelmed with the multitudes of parenting advice on how, exactly, to deal with the arch.

Samuel continues to be doing great - he's still a mimic, always "talking" with about 10 words now and double as  many "Sam words". He still loves books, following us around, going to the playground and throwing things. He's currently progressing with peek-a-boo and now covers his mouth instead of his ears (getting closer!). He greats all passersby with "hiiiiiiiii!!!" and a big smile. He's learned to say "boo" since he loves being scared. We sneak up on him when he's not expecting it and say "boo!". His eyes go wide, he falls on his butt and dissolves into giggles. Sometimes, after we put him down at night, there will be silence on the monitor, then... "boo!" He's really into "this little piggy", which often becomes a diversionary tactic (see THE ARCH, above). This little piggy went to the market:

Spring has sprung, and we're spending lots of time outside. It unusually warm and dry - so we have lots of exploring to do. Just as road rash from one tumble on the cement heals, another crash happens, usually when he insists on stepping off the curb on his own. He's a happy, active and funny little guy. Our Samuel: loves to learn, loves to smile and laugh, loves to explore - and very proud when he's learned something new, like: "this is my head":

Mama, well, I'm another story. I had my first business trip this past week, and I am still recovering from being away from Sam. I have such guilt, and while we always knew I'd be the primary breadwinner, I'm struggling with how little time I have with the pork-chop. I had a bit of a breakdown when we went on (our second since he's been home) date last night - so much so that we almost turned around. But my sweet husband had so thoughtfully planned a fun night out. And our wonderful friends Tracy and Dana, his aunts, were excited to be with Samuel. So we went. But we decided that being out of town, then having a date night in one week out is just too much for mommy. So after we got home, it was a double-header, and I took him out of the crib twice for mommy time - him sleeping on my chest - wondering the whole time - do you know I'm holding you? Do you know I'm your mommy? Do you know everything is ok?

I've decided, also, that we need to tighten the reigns back a bit on other people holding him. We had planned on being super diligent the first year of him being home in terms of who holds him, as all of our books and adoption friends have advised- to help build connection to us as mommy and daddy. Since he's so social we've relaxed a bit. But while it's good that he's so happily social, I need him to continue to learn that I'm mommy.  So, I've pulled the sling back out for more carrying time, and we're spending lots of time with him in my lap reading and playing "piggies" and learning our flashcards. While he's not a cuddly guy, he loves those things in my lap, and tolerates the sling (mostly because he's into everyone's business, and he has a better view from my hip than from the floor...)

So on we go. Building a family. I have to remind myself that attachment is a long process, and that the dishes and floor can wait. After all, despite how amazing he's doing, he's not yet been home for 6 months.That's less than half the time he lived in an orphanage. We have much work to do to let him know we're here to stay. I guess it's like anything else, adjust, move forward,  maybe even take a step back. Adjust. And so on.