No, not this one:
Or this one:
I'm talking about "THE ARCH". The one where the little brown toddler throws his head back, arches his back, screams his opinion. Yup. The arch has arrived in the Stone household. We knew it would come. And here it is. The first sightings were in the past week when we took away things said toddler was throwing. Yesterday was the most spectacular viewing yet when we took away the "car" and firetruck" flashcards to bring the little pork-chop to the table for dinner. Arched back, arms flailing, tears, screaming, and the eventual head on the floor. Guess he really likes those cards. The incidents have only lasted a few seconds, and the subject's attention can be quickly diverted. But we know that the arch will be with us for a while, and will be come more, uh, persistent in nature. The kid has opinions and he's more and more willing to share. (Again, my husband and parents remind me often that this is my biological child. Pffffffft.) I'm overwhelmed with the multitudes of parenting advice on how, exactly, to deal with the arch.
Samuel continues to be doing great - he's still a mimic, always "talking" with about 10 words now and double as many "Sam words". He still loves books, following us around, going to the playground and throwing things. He's currently progressing with peek-a-boo and now covers his mouth instead of his ears (getting closer!). He greats all passersby with "hiiiiiiiii!!!" and a big smile. He's learned to say "boo" since he loves being scared. We sneak up on him when he's not expecting it and say "boo!". His eyes go wide, he falls on his butt and dissolves into giggles. Sometimes, after we put him down at night, there will be silence on the monitor, then... "boo!" He's really into "this little piggy", which often becomes a diversionary tactic (see THE ARCH, above). This little piggy went to the market:
Spring has sprung, and we're spending lots of time outside. It unusually warm and dry - so we have lots of exploring to do. Just as road rash from one tumble on the cement heals, another crash happens, usually when he insists on stepping off the curb on his own. He's a happy, active and funny little guy. Our Samuel: loves to learn, loves to smile and laugh, loves to explore - and very proud when he's learned something new, like: "this is my head":
Mama, well, I'm another story. I had my first business trip this past week, and I am still recovering from being away from Sam. I have such guilt, and while we always knew I'd be the primary breadwinner, I'm struggling with how little time I have with the pork-chop. I had a bit of a breakdown when we went on (our second since he's been home) date last night - so much so that we almost turned around. But my sweet husband had so thoughtfully planned a fun night out. And our wonderful friends Tracy and Dana, his aunts, were excited to be with Samuel. So we went. But we decided that being out of town, then having a date night in one week out is just too much for mommy. So after we got home, it was a double-header, and I took him out of the crib twice for mommy time - him sleeping on my chest - wondering the whole time - do you know I'm holding you? Do you know I'm your mommy? Do you know everything is ok?
I've decided, also, that we need to tighten the reigns back a bit on other people holding him. We had planned on being super diligent the first year of him being home in terms of who holds him, as all of our books and adoption friends have advised- to help build connection to us as mommy and daddy. Since he's so social we've relaxed a bit. But while it's good that he's so happily social, I need him to continue to learn that I'm mommy. So, I've pulled the sling back out for more carrying time, and we're spending lots of time with him in my lap reading and playing "piggies" and learning our flashcards. While he's not a cuddly guy, he loves those things in my lap, and tolerates the sling (mostly because he's into everyone's business, and he has a better view from my hip than from the floor...)
So on we go. Building a family. I have to remind myself that attachment is a long process, and that the dishes and floor can wait. After all, despite how amazing he's doing, he's not yet been home for 6 months.That's less than half the time he lived in an orphanage. We have much work to do to let him know we're here to stay. I guess it's like anything else, adjust, move forward, maybe even take a step back. Adjust. And so on.
Or this one:
I'm talking about "THE ARCH". The one where the little brown toddler throws his head back, arches his back, screams his opinion. Yup. The arch has arrived in the Stone household. We knew it would come. And here it is. The first sightings were in the past week when we took away things said toddler was throwing. Yesterday was the most spectacular viewing yet when we took away the "car" and firetruck" flashcards to bring the little pork-chop to the table for dinner. Arched back, arms flailing, tears, screaming, and the eventual head on the floor. Guess he really likes those cards. The incidents have only lasted a few seconds, and the subject's attention can be quickly diverted. But we know that the arch will be with us for a while, and will be come more, uh, persistent in nature. The kid has opinions and he's more and more willing to share. (Again, my husband and parents remind me often that this is my biological child. Pffffffft.) I'm overwhelmed with the multitudes of parenting advice on how, exactly, to deal with the arch.
Samuel continues to be doing great - he's still a mimic, always "talking" with about 10 words now and double as many "Sam words". He still loves books, following us around, going to the playground and throwing things. He's currently progressing with peek-a-boo and now covers his mouth instead of his ears (getting closer!). He greats all passersby with "hiiiiiiiii!!!" and a big smile. He's learned to say "boo" since he loves being scared. We sneak up on him when he's not expecting it and say "boo!". His eyes go wide, he falls on his butt and dissolves into giggles. Sometimes, after we put him down at night, there will be silence on the monitor, then... "boo!" He's really into "this little piggy", which often becomes a diversionary tactic (see THE ARCH, above). This little piggy went to the market:
Spring has sprung, and we're spending lots of time outside. It unusually warm and dry - so we have lots of exploring to do. Just as road rash from one tumble on the cement heals, another crash happens, usually when he insists on stepping off the curb on his own. He's a happy, active and funny little guy. Our Samuel: loves to learn, loves to smile and laugh, loves to explore - and very proud when he's learned something new, like: "this is my head":
Mama, well, I'm another story. I had my first business trip this past week, and I am still recovering from being away from Sam. I have such guilt, and while we always knew I'd be the primary breadwinner, I'm struggling with how little time I have with the pork-chop. I had a bit of a breakdown when we went on (our second since he's been home) date last night - so much so that we almost turned around. But my sweet husband had so thoughtfully planned a fun night out. And our wonderful friends Tracy and Dana, his aunts, were excited to be with Samuel. So we went. But we decided that being out of town, then having a date night in one week out is just too much for mommy. So after we got home, it was a double-header, and I took him out of the crib twice for mommy time - him sleeping on my chest - wondering the whole time - do you know I'm holding you? Do you know I'm your mommy? Do you know everything is ok?
I've decided, also, that we need to tighten the reigns back a bit on other people holding him. We had planned on being super diligent the first year of him being home in terms of who holds him, as all of our books and adoption friends have advised- to help build connection to us as mommy and daddy. Since he's so social we've relaxed a bit. But while it's good that he's so happily social, I need him to continue to learn that I'm mommy. So, I've pulled the sling back out for more carrying time, and we're spending lots of time with him in my lap reading and playing "piggies" and learning our flashcards. While he's not a cuddly guy, he loves those things in my lap, and tolerates the sling (mostly because he's into everyone's business, and he has a better view from my hip than from the floor...)
So on we go. Building a family. I have to remind myself that attachment is a long process, and that the dishes and floor can wait. After all, despite how amazing he's doing, he's not yet been home for 6 months.That's less than half the time he lived in an orphanage. We have much work to do to let him know we're here to stay. I guess it's like anything else, adjust, move forward, maybe even take a step back. Adjust. And so on.
2 comments:
Thanks for your post. It's really helpful to read how attachment progresses six months in. Our little boy will turn 2 in a few weeks and we still have no indication when we'll be able to get him. I think about attachment all the time.
Heather
You are doing great. The guilt will never go away. I hate leaving the kids, even for one night. You think it will be great to get a good night's sleep and I end up worrying all night. But he does know you are holding him while he sleeps, he can hear your heart and feel your heat. Just like when a baby is in the womb. so keep doing it.
give yourself some slack. he wouldn't be so happy if he truly wasn't.
xxoo
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