It's not about me anymore.

We heard today that our papers are "officially logged" in with the Ethiopian courts. What does that mean? More waiting. We've been told to expect as long as 4-7 weeks more until we are told our actual court date - the date we go to Ethiopia to meet and (hopefully) get custody from Ethiopia for BBS. Then, it's another few months wait until we can go back over and bring him home.

The courts close for August and September for rainy season. Yup. They shut down. Apparently with dirt roads the downpour of rainy season makes everything impossible, including inter-country travel. If we don't get a court date assigned before then, that's an extra 2 months on to the wait time. It's two additional months that BBS is in an orphanage and not in our care. 

What I want to do right now is SCREAM and CRY and THROW PLATES and CURSE and HAVE A TEMPER TANTRUM. I want to BECOME THE OUT OF CONTROL STORM that is just below my surface. I want to yell at the agency, the agency's rep in Ethiopia and anyone who has anything to do with the timing of this process. Or the person at Starbucks. Or my husband. I want to tell them that this isn't fair and I hate this and they are making this hell for me and for BBS.

But, what I will do, instead, is go sit in BBS's room and have a good cry. I'll tell him I love him and hope he's here soon. Because now I'm a mother, so that's what I have to find the strength to do. And some day, I'll tell our sweet little boy that sometimes you have to just do your best, because sometimes, that's all you can do.