...adjusting to becoming parents, or adjusting to not becoming parents?
More rumors from Ethiopia that they're drastically reducing the number of foreign adoptions. Some sources are saying "by 90%". As a matter of course, I don't look at Ethiopia adoption news - but this little tidbit got through. Dammit. Our agency is "looking into matters".
Is it possible that we're just not going to become parents? Entirely. I'm not being negative, just realistic. I mean, this is our last shot, financially and emotionally.
Incidentally, I thought I had totally separated myself from this adoption - disconnected myself from it - so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain if it took the "Nepal" course. I was proud of how well I was doing not thinking about "when we get the baby," and instead focusing on "work, career and travel". Well, clearly I was wrong. I am not disconnected. I am scared, I am sick to my stomach, my heart hurts. I guess it's good to know that I still have a heart.
If I let myself, I'd be swallowed by sadness that I thought I'd hidden too far away to find me. Work, career, travel. Work, career, travel. Work, career, travel...
11 comments:
Hi Anne,
I've followed your blog for a while and I feel for you each day I read an update. We were one of the ones who completed in Nepal. I feel so sorry for those who didn't receive referrals to be in the pipeline. It was a long haul for us and we planned on being childless, thinking it just wasn't in the cards for us. Then we got the referral. We made each day a good day with each other and life was good. We were happy, although childless. You don't need to hear me say, 'find peace and be happy' but know we understand your position, one foot in and one foor out. Thinking of you.
Anne, I saw one of the news stories and thought of you and Terry. I wish I had something to meaningful to say. I'll be thinking of you.
Teryl
Hoping Ethiopia will work out for you. Thinking of you and hoping.
Lynn
Thinking of you, Anne. I wish I traveled for work right now. Anything to get me off this damn couch. xo
I saw this yesterday and thought of you and was hoping it was only a rumor, a bad one. I hope you hear something different and better soon. We are here when you need us!
xoxo
Anne, I'm sorry about this news. We're struggling with something similar in India. Some days I don't know how I can continue like this - it feels like we'll be childless forever. But take it just one day at a time, you will be parents. I know you will. Even if it slows down, it will happen. Work is the best distraction. And wine. At least that works for me...
Hang in there and keep trying. If you want it bad enough, it has to happen someday. Some families I met fought with infertility for 10+ years and finally adopted a son from Nepal at Christmas. They were ready to give up and now they survived that pain and have a gorgeous son. I don't have any suggestions because I think all international adoption is very iffy right now. It just shouldn't be this hard to match orphans with parents who are wanting them, but it is......
All my love!
I was sick when I heard this news. I don't know exactly what you are going through. Our journey is different than yours, but I keep following your blog and the many families that experienced failed adoptions from Nepal.
I started a new blog. I only have a few posts, but I want it to focus on failed adoptions. I don't know if I have decided exactly the feel I want this blog to have. I just want to get to the other side. There is the other side isn't there? I keep wondering if I really will find my daughter. I posted a song. I hope it might encourage others in this wait. http://wellingcrew.blogspot.com/
Hi Anne, I came across your blog on the Colorado google group. My husband and I live in Southern Colorado and we are on a waitlist to adopt from Ethiopia. For health reasons, I cannot have children. We are older (40 and 47 - but not old!) and will be first time parents. I understand everything you are feeling. This has been our first foray into adoption. But if the program were to close, I could not imagine that I would have the resolve to attempt again with another country or program. I too feel this is our last (and only) shot. I'm trying to stay positve about this latest news and hope that it is merely an attempt to hire more staff and that everything will work out.
I'm sorry to hear this news Anne. Hopefully it will not be true. And even if it is--that you guys will still get a referral. Hang in there. Jackson, give Anne a big hug and wet one for me!
You will be a parent. This will work out. One glitch. Don't be afraid to feel all the sad and angry and fearful and happy feelings. Let them come. Your future child needs a mom who feels because he or she will have lots of feelings needing to feel. Feel it, it is all part of the process. It will turn out.
Jill
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