Word on the street, and from many of our adoption friends and contacts, is that things in Ethiopia aren't as bad as we'd initially feared. I'm not quite ready to say that the crisis is averted, but I'm feeling more comfortable than I was two weeks ago. (Of course, I'll believe it when we get the call.)
To be more specific, it seems adoptions in Ethiopia haven't, for the most part, slowed as much as we'd feared. Let's hope the trend continues! (And, Ms. Sticky Mango Feet, fingers and toes crossed that your time is really, really soon.)
I took some time today to read through a few of my blog posts from around two years ago. I was a little surprised at how positive, how excited and how enthusiastic I was. I mean, I remember being that way... I do. I remember thinking about taking our baby to the zoo and Halloween costumes and planning our trip to Nepal to meet our child and all that stuff. I really saw us with our child. I liked that part of me. I guess I'd just forgotten about that part of me. I remember, but I forgot. Make sense? Yea, didn't think so.
I don't think about that stuff anymore. I don't have that excited "I'm gonna be a mommy" feeling. It seems so far away. That feeling, I mean. The baby doesn't seem just far away - it seems unimaginable. (I'm sorry, baby.) I hope it comes back, that feeling. But right now it's just waaay to dangerous.
But I kid myself because I'm still very much in the game, just viewing from the sidelines. Somehow it feels safer. It's not. Who am I kidding?
4 comments:
To be honest with you that feeling of being a mommy being so far away may not leave you for a while.....Even afer we got Luke it would not leave. I would try to shake it and it took months to go away. We waited so long and then Jet lag and a long awaited baby in the house put me in a fog...It's gone now but just know its your hearts way of protecting itself and its not a bad thing.
Soooo where are you in Missouri we are in MO as well....We are about 25 min from St Louis.....
Hi Dawn - thanks for all of your wonderful comments - I love them!
I was joking as in "show me" then I'll believe it = the missiouri state motto. Guess I didn't pull it off :(
I felt the same exact way-- I had spent 2 years being disappointed so I worried that I wouldn't be able to be excited when the time came. It evaporated the minute we got our referral. I'm confident that you will be able to let yourself be excited again when it's really time.
(And btw I'm hearing the same thing about Ethiopia).
I got the Missouri reference :)
It is so natural to want to distance yourself as if it would somehow hurt less if it takes longer than we envisioned or if some other roadblock comes up. Another thing that I do is try not to openly let it show how much I want this so as not to jinx myself. Can you believe that right before all these announcements came out I was busy and blissfully buying baby toys and clothes and pricing baby furniture. I told myself it figures, just when you start getting excited about a baby the universe kicks you in the butt.
But you know the excitement will come back. It will creep in here and there at first. I think we are too vested for it not to. And when we get that referral call and see that picture - wow I think the emotions will just overwhelm us.
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