Refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,...repeat.

Anne on the DHL Website. Still in Oregon.

God Speed!

Our dossier is en-route to Ethiopia as of 12:15pm, MST

December 30, 2010

(From our hands, to God's...)

Happy New Year & Namaste!

Happiness.

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."

~Prince Gautama Siddharta

Heart-swell. Heartbreak. Heart-swell. Heartbreak. Heart-swell...

I am so happy for our friends who are either having babies, or getting their children home! And at the same time, each time I hear of this amazing news, despite the immense beauty, I feel like I've been kicked in the gut and the wind knocked out of me. I cannot breathe.

I don't want to be selfish.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
-Buddha

So, I practice bringing myself back to the moment - and sending love and good thoughts.

Namaste.

Saying Stupid Things. But Not in World Market.

So I have read a lot of blogs / articles and seen "required adoption videos" lately stating, simply, that people pretty much say stupid things.

Well, this is true, especially (but not limited to) situations where parents and children are different colors. Incidentally, this left us in a bind this morning when we were at (of all places) World Market, and saw the most adorable African-American little girl with white parents. (Why we were at World Market the last Saturday before Christmas is another story.) We chose to resist the temptation to approach these parents and tell them a.) how beautiful their little girl was b.) ask if they had adopted her and from where, and c.) announce that we, too, are attempting to adopt a child of a different race. After taking a moment to reflect on all of the videos warning us NOT to approach people and tell them how beautiful their children are, or ask about their situations, we were able to hold our inappropriate selves back. So we bought our cheap wine and half-priced Christmas wrappings and left. (This was not the case this summer when, despite my husband's attempts to stop me, I chased a family down the block at a festival in Golden to learn that they had just brought their adorable son back from Haiti. In my defense, this was before the videos.)

But these rules to "not" communicate confuse and frustrate me. I mean, the pregnant women get a "club". All of my pregnant friends have told me of this club - where in restrooms they discuss due dates, cravings and probable lactation problems with total strangers who are also obviously pregnant. Parents with infants have this same club - I have seen and admired it from afar... So where is our club? I want a club! Shouldn't World Market be our club? Where we can discuss our referral dates, trade Ethnic recipes and calm fears with total strangers whose families happen to look like us?

All of this does make me wonder... if these are people with whom we have something so deep in common - what is OK to say? What's not OK? What about our friends and families - they have questions, too! Perhaps it depends on the spirit in which questions are asked or statements are made? Or the personalities of the people in the situation? How will we feel if and when we ever get our child home? 

Please bear with me if I am unable to contain my enthusiasm and curiosity about your beautiful and unique family and I say stupid but really well-intentioned things.

If at first you don't conceive...

This has officially become an adoption blog again! 

Before Nepal shut down we had actually started the process of adopting from Ethiopia for #2. Well, number 2 has become number one! We took a few months to mourn Nepal, and to get our wits about us again, now we're officially back in the process, publicly.

So, our dossier is finished and out of our hands in record time, thanks to my very detail-oriented and committed husband (finished in less than 2 months). Our families have been informed (which I might add, went very well!). We're meeting people locally who are or will be adopting from Ethiopia. We're taking classes and learning about Africa and Ethiopia. And so on and so forth.

My girlfriends have asked how I feel. My answer is "1/3 excited, 1/3 relieved and 1/3 scared to death." One wisely commented: "You're balanced!". Not a word I'd use to describe myself - but hey - maybe motherhood is changing me already.

 

December 9, 2010

Family.

My parents were here for Thanksgiving - we had a really great week. (Why is it that you don't really appreciate your parents until you're O-L-D?) 

As Terry and I work towards having our own family - I'm struck by the good things we got from my parents that I want to pass on. They instilled us with tremendous independence and allowed us to find our own beliefs while raising us with strong morals and work ethics. My mom taught us love of family and for animals. My dad encouraged us to take risks and love nature.They're still married, and put 3 of us through braces and college.

We talked a lot about my family history. (As a child, my grandfather named himself after a horse he liked. My grandmother single-handedly ran the family farm for months after my grandfather broke his hip). I wish I would have known my grandparents better and am fascinated by hearing stories... I could listen to them for days.

We'll spend Christmas with Terry's family - who bring us an entirely different set of blessings and stories. We're very, very fortunate. As this child will be, once it finally gets here. (700 days today.)

Namaste and blessings.

T.M.I.

Those damn classes. We're going through the Hague Adoptions video courses on international adoption.

Apparently, we can be assured that:

1.) Our child will not develop normally

2.) Our child will have any number of diseases

3.) Our child will not do well in school

4.) Our child will have trouble socially

5.) Our child will have eating issues

6.) Our child will never forgive us for taking him/her out of his/her birth country

7.) Our child will have seven heads and four stomachs 

8.) Our child will not sleep, ever

9.) Our child will never fit in

10.) Our child will never get to us because the country will close. (Oh - wait...)

This is the "scare the crap out of you" tactic. I have to admit. It's working.

Blog identity crisis.

I have been trying to decide what to do with this beloved blog, which started as an adoption blog.

With our first adoption attempt - I wanted to (and pratically did) shout from the rooftops: "we're gonna adopt a baby from Nepal!". So I blogged, we shared with family, we daydreamed, we planned, we envisioned, we began to learn and love the Nepali culture and I blogged.

Now that we have (how do I put it lightly) had our hearts crushed, our wallets cleaned out and our dreams obliterated, I've been unsure how to proceed with the blog.

While we are cautiously moving forward to build our family - we're not giving out specifics. So this isn't an adoption blog right now. Besides, I don't want to blog another word on our lost child. Whoops. I just did. I'm not a homemaker-type, so it's not a crafty-cooking-entertaining-decorating blog. I'm a career-girl, and while I love my work, I'm in IT and it's not super-exciting. Besides, there are some really good IT blogs out there already. I don't live in L.A. I'm sick of politics, I'm not Gywneth Paltrow and I sure don't care about cars.

So it begs the question: Who am I? This blog wants to know.

Dammit

When we started the international adoption process we were told the road would be bumpy. But daaaang was I naive. I guess I just assumed we'd be one of the couples whose adoption happened quickly, easily and flawlessly. Or at least happened at all. That's how it felt - so incredibly right.

Nearly two years - and thousands of dollars later - I just have to say: DAMMIT! It hasn't been quick, easy and certainly anything but flawless. Why did it feel so right?

So as we start the process again, it's totally different. I'm a little more hardened. I'm a lot more scared. I'm not on adoption boards. I'm hesitating to build community around this yet. I'm not letting thoughts of a child creep into my head or my heart (to the best of my ability). I'm not celebrating.

Almost 3 months after Nepal shut down, I'm still in shock. I'm still angry. But mostly, I'm just sad.

Namaste.

It's a very small, big world.

I just got back from a great trip to Germany for work. It reminded me (as if I'd forgotten!) how much I/we love to travel. The next time I go - I have promised myself I will take an extra weekend or so and see a country I haven't yet seen, even if it means staying in a hostile to save money. (Wait a minute, that's crazy talk! I'll just find a quiet, reasonably-priced hotel :). ) I only wish we had offices in Thailand, Vietnam and Kathmandu!

This is likely one of the reasons we feel so passionate about International adoption. We love to see the different ways people live, celebrate, pray, eat, and spend their time. And we love to bring different customs, rituals and cultures into our lives. It's a big world - but a lot smaller than we sometimes think and act.

I was reminded of this quote, which I shamelessly stole from my friend Bridget:
If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people, you might better stay home. -James Michener

Mothers. It's just what they do.

I love, love, love this video! (click here) Turn the sound up. Grab a kleenex. And then tell me - isn't it just mamas and daddys taking care of babies, rather than dog/cat/fawn/horse/goat or black/white/brown? Seems like there's plenty of love to go around. What great examples there creatures are.                                     

PS - plenty more where this came from...

Mama cat + baby rabbit.

Daddy dog + baby kittens.

Mama cat + baby squirrels.

Mama cat + baby panda.

Chihauha + baby squirrels.         

Something to think about.

People say the darndest things...

Ever wonder what to say and what not to say to friends who are adopting? Here’s a good list:"Single Laughing Dad's Guide to Adoption Etiquette". This list is copied and pasted directly from this blog: Single Daddy Laughing. And, yes, he has been asked more than once "how much he paid for his son." **Warning - this is not politically correct.**

Single Dad Laughing's Guide to Adoption Etiquette:
1. Never, ever, ever, ask how much a child costs. This includes the phrase, "how much did you pay for him?" First of all, it's none of your business. Second of all, if you're interested in adoption, research it through the appropriate channels. Speak with an adoption agency. Adoptive parents don't purchase children. They simply pay legal fees and agency fees. Just like biological parents pay hospital and doctor bills. Don't turn the child into nothing more than a commodity.
2. Never ask if a celebrity inspired the adoption. Believe it or not, Tom Cruise, Connie Chung, and Angelina Jolie did not convince me one way or the other in the biggest decision of my life. Are you serious?
3. Never ask "where is his real dad?" Forget the fact that it will hurt my feelings. How do you think it will affect my son's feelings to feel like I'm not a real dad to him? Adoptive parents are real parents. The term you're looking for is "birth mother" or "birth father".
4. Don't say things like, "as soon as you adopt you're going to get pregnant" when you find out somebody is adopting. First of all, there are usually many, many years of pain and financial burden strapped to infertility, treatments, and heartache. Do you really think that what you're saying will help them? Secondly, while it is funny when it happens, it's rare.
5. Never say, "why did she give him away?" Do I really need to explain why this one would hurt a child? The proper term is "placed". A birth mother and birth father place their child for adoption. And again, it's personal and none of your business, so don't ask if you aren't my BFF.
6. Don't say, "it's like he's your real son". This is similar to number three, but worthy of mentioning. He is my real son, damn it.
7. Don't say, "do you love him as if he was your own?" Ummm... probably more than you love your little terror, that's for sure. And again... he is my own, damn it.
8. Never say things like, "you're so wonderful to adopt a child". I am a parent. Just like anybody else with kids.
9. Don't start spewing your horrible adoption stories. "This one time, my friend's sister's aunt's dog's previous owner's niece adopted a baby and the real dad came back and they took the baby away after they had him for two years." First of all, it probably isn't true. Second of all, how would you feel if I told you about all the ways you could lose your child. Adoption is permanent. And in the extremely rare circumstances that something like that happens, it's not something you should spread because the hurt that exists for all the parties involved must be immeasurable.
10. Don't say things like, "is it hard for him to be adopted?" Well, it wasn't, until you asked me that right in front of him you freaking idiot.
11. I don't want to hear about your second cousin who was on a waiting list for twelve years and never got a baby. Granted, this one was much more annoying when we were going through the adoption process. Nobody wants to know that some people never get chosen. Show some kindness. Even to ugly people.

We've experienced many of these, and also:
• How much money did you lose when Nepal closed?
• Can't you just do in vitro?
• What will your child look like?
• What religion will it be?
And my personal favorite:
• Just take one of our kids for a while (Really? Seriously. Really?)

I guess mentioning you're in the process of adopting - or having a child that doesn't look you - is similar to when a woman's pregnant belly becomes public property. People just get in your business and sometimes they're just not very smart/thoughtful. But then again - you don't have to be pregnant/adopting or have a child that doesn't look like you for people to say stupid sh*t to you!

But, here's the good news: our community rocks. We are fortunate to have amazing friends and family who love us and support us all the way. And we love and appreciate them. And – more often than not – when people find out we are in the process of adoption, they go out of their way to help us. (I’ve blogged about the amazing kindness of people a few times … Apparently I’m just surly today!)


If you're an adoptive parent/hopeful adoptive parent - what's the worst/strangest question you've ever gotten?

Fall (as in Autumn, not I can't get up...)

Fall begins tomorrow - although to look out the window it has come in a day early. It's heavenly in Colorado in September and October. It's harvest season - and while our harvest this year is a bit light (tomatoes, grapes, hopefully beets and we think one carrot), at least we're eating some homegrown food. This fall I'm looking forward to a trip to Germany, cooking soups, chili and stews (the only real cooking I do, and only in fall/winter!), long hikes, beautiful cool days, a bear sighting (if the last 3 years are any indication), and hoping that NEXT fall we have a little one to take on hikes and dress as a pumpkin, princess or batman on Halloween.

So: Happy Autumn! Here's to OktoberFest,  winter squash, chard, fleece jackets, chili, early snowstorms, new boots, little ghouls and ghosts and falling leaves of all colors.

"On Children"

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

~Khalil Gibran

Happy Anniversary, My Love!

September 11, 2004

I would do it again, and again, and again!

Bats, family & waterslides. (Not in that order.)

Just got back from a visit to see my family for my dad's 70th. We had a great time. My nieces and nephews are so beautiful and fun. They say the funniest things - they had us cracking up the entire time. What a blessing to be able to get the whole family together.

The highlights of the trip were a day at the lake with the Sea-Doo, hiking in the hill country, nursing a baby dove back to health, seeing 3 million bats fly out of tunnel cave at dusk, waterslides and of course - way too much food.

A few months ago we hesitated to purchase flights - as we were just sure we'd be on our way around the world to meet our child. It felt strange to not have kids and sort of sad. Can't shake that sadness from the closure of the "country that shall not be named". Of course now it's turned into flat-out pissedoffedness.

Namaste.

Korea? Domestic? China? Ethiopia? Other? All? None?

It is mind-boggling how difficult it is to decide what path is next when you've survived (or are barely surviving) a country shut-down. As we ponder our options, I keep looking for "signs". But then I see "signs" and am not sure how to interpret them!? (And I can pretty much see a sign in anything from the phase of the moon to the model and color of a rental car, to a rabbit hopping across my path. I know what you're thinking, but these signs really do make sense if I had time to explain...) 

I decide on one country, one day, and my husband has come to peace with another. We've even had Jackson pick, by writing the name of countries on little pieces of paper and wrapping dog treats in them. Yes - this is how ridiculously crazy we have become, and yes, this is how highly we think of our dog's opinion. (Of course, we can't trust him, because he picked the wrong house when we were deciding between houses...) 

I know, I know. Trust my gut. Alotta good that did me last time. And right now, my gut can't be trusted because it is telling me I want Dulce de Leche ice cream. (Wait! Is that a sign??)

So back to the beginning. Arghhhhh. Can someone please text God, Buddha, Allah or Mother Nature and ask her what we should do? 

Namaste.

The door hasn't opened. (I don't even know if there is a door.)

I thought I was done with this blog. But apparently I'm not. Writing is therapeutic for me - so maybe this blog continues as our journey continues. A quick facelift for the blog though - as we no longer have to hide our identity. This is us. (And, the images of Nepal and Nepalese orphans are too hard to look at right now, anyway. God those are gorgeous kids.)

I've taken down the shrine in our empty room. That's too hard to look at, too. They say when one door closes, another opens. Nepal closed (OK, slammed shut right smack in our faces). We've not yet found our next "door".

I think - no, I know - we're going through the stages of mourning and just can't determine next steps yet. It's too soon. I thought I would bounce right back. I was wrong. I've been wrong about a lot lately.

We've looked very closely at Korea, Ethiopia and even might consider domestic. But first,  time to heal. All I know for now is that while I haven't carried our Nepal child in my tummy, I have carried that child in my heart every moment for 18 months. And losing a child is painful as hell.

And what they say about hell: if you're going through it, keep going. I'm going. And going. And going.

Namaste

1 year, 7 months and 5 days.

Thanks for your friendship and support. Stay tuned. If it's meant to be, we'll find our pebble somewhere, somehow. And I'll let you know how to follow the journey - if there is one to be followed.

Our hearts go out to the children of Nepal who will now grow up in orphanages. And a little piece of our heart will stay with them, forever. I'd still go to the ends of the earth to have a child from Nepal - if there were any way...

Namaste.

The end of the road.

The official statement:
In order to protect the rights and interests of certain Nepali children and their families, and of U.S. prospective adoptive parents, the Department of State and U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) have jointly decided to suspend adjudication of new adoption petitions and related visa issuance for children who are described as having been abandoned in Nepal.

The full official statement link.

Q & A link.

It's over.

The US department of state just shut Nepal adoptions down. I am going to throw up. My heart is shattered.

Abandon Hope

One of my favorite buddhist teachers, Pema Chodron has a quote I'm sitting with right now. It's simply: "abandon hope". It's beautiful in its irony. For - it's the hope for something different than what is right now - that causes us suffering. (And I'm sure hoping for something different than "what is" for us right now. As I hear of families who sent dossiers in almost 8 months after us getting matches, I feel so much heartbreak I can hardly stand it!)

So I have to sit back, abandon hope that things should be any different than they are this very minute. I have a beautiful house, a wonderful husband and sweet dog I adore more than anything, a great career and my health. The rest I have to let go of, because it's too painful to try to hold on to. I/we are exactly where we are supposed to be. I/we are blessed in this very moment.

Congrats to those who have received referrals!  Sending you positive thoughts for quick and safe travels.

We've met amazing friends on this journey. We've learned a lot about a beautiful country. We've had the tremendous support of complete strangers through message boards and the support of friends and family. While I've been consistent in my blogging, in keeping flowers on our baby's shrine, in my belief that Nepal is where our child is, I need to step away for a while and let go. I simply cannot do it right now. I need to abandon hope. 

Namaste

Thrilled, Confused & Bewildered

It sounds like more matches are going out for Nepal this week. Yay! Very happy for the families and the children joining those families!

Ummm. Hello? We're still here. We're still waiting? We submitted our dossier in April '09?

(Trying to be) Patiently yours,

Namaste.

Hello, again! Lots going on.

I'm back. Just a little sanity break there.

Here's an update:
Two of our friends (both couples) got referrals in early July. One couple was matched with a 3-year old boy, the other with a 4-year old girl. Of course we're thrilled for them!

Anyway, they settled in for a long wait for their travel approvals since:

1.  The US is changing the process in Nepal. (Basically the US is doing the orphan investigation before prospective parents travel, rather than while they're in-country. This is good news, as it could reduce the time in-country and, more importantly, ensure that children matched are indeed orphans before prospective parents travel.) 
2. Chaos continues in Nepal. Elections have been held for a new Prime Minister, and failed. The third round of elections is scheduled for Monday, August 2.

So these friends are thinking their travel approvals are months away. Nope. They got travel approvals this week! They were shocked. They're preparing for quick travel to meet and bring home their beautiful children.

Here's the ironic thing: while there is more uncertainty in the Nepal government than at any time during the last 18+ months of our adoption process, adoptions are moving more quickly than ever. (We hope this continues!) We assume - and have been told - that once a new government is in place, things will slow considerably. But there's no telling when the new government will be in place - so keep the matching and travel approvals coming!!

Best wishes for quick and safe travel for those with children waiting! We're so happy for you. Let's hope, both selfishly and for the orphans, that more matches and travel approvals are made soon.

Namaste.

Protection

I've been struggling with things to write about lately.  I mean, one can only write "We haven't heard anything", "We have no idea what's happening" and "I don't have a lot of patience" so many times.

Most of the bloggers adopting from Nepal have either made their blogs private, or just plain quit posting. We've heard that the authorities in Nepal are reading our blogs, but we've never had anything to hide. We respect the people, the culture and the religions of Nepal enormously. (And I believe this blog reflects that.) Actually, it's those exact things that are the reasons we're hoping to bring a child from Nepal home.

But after this long rollercoaster ride - I wonder if our journey with Nepal is close to ending. Holding on to hope, day after day, and year after year takes a lot of energy. I'd never want to take our dossier out of Nepal, but I think I need to let this go for a while...

Our baby will find us. I can hold onto that. But I'm not sure I can hold onto where our baby will come from for now. From where I stand, it's hard to tell whether the door is opening, or closing.

Namaste

? ? ?

So many questions, so few answers! And I'm not getting patience fast enough.


Namaste

The stakes are higher...

We have some good friends who have returned from Nepal with their child. And some other good friends are preparing to travel to Nepal to meet and bring home their child.

This is all to say that now, the stakes are higher. Whereas last year, international adoption was all more of a "concept", now the idea of bringing home a child from Nepal seems much more real and tangible.

These days, I waver back and forth between sheer excitement, and sheer panic. (Thankfully, my husband does his best to keep me grounded - not an easy task.)

So... the mantra continues to be "our baby will find us." And in the meantime, we keep fresh flowers on the shrine, celebrate with our friends, and keep the faith.

Namaste

1 year, 5 months and 2 days.

That's how long we've been working towards starting a family with hopes of a child from Nepal. We've learned a lot on this journey. We've met some fantastic new friends. We've seen the support and love from both family and strangers. We've had ups - and we've had downs. 

We're not sure if we're any closer to our child. But - as my husband (who has more faith than me) reminds me: our child will find us... and we will find our child.

So, another day, another prayer for our child, for our friends in the process, for those we don't know in the process, and for the orphans in Nepal - and everywhere. So many children who want families - so many families-to-be who want those children. If only we could connect them all.

Namaste

Even more uncertainty.

Nepal's Prime Minister is set to step down.. and what was a very tenuous situation for hopeful adoptive parents becomes even more so.

We wish the people of Nepal peace, and we pray that the orphans will find forever families, soon.

Namaste.

A glimpse into my head at any given moment...

I wonder if we'll get a match soon?
Will our baby be a boy or girl?
How are our friends in Nepal doing?
How is the weather in Nepal?
What are we having for dinner?
What is our baby's name?
How old is our baby?
Should I return those cute sandals that don't quite fit?
(Hmmm. They'll stretch.)
How is the matching process actually working?
Is a batch of matches going out next week?
Next month?
Where are we in the order?
Is there an order?
Doesn't seem to be.
Will we be able to use miles when we travel?
I hope we can upgrade!
Settle down, we probably can't.
(Hmm. Must find out if Delta miles transfer to United).
Will we be able to connect in Bangkok with the riots?
Will we be in Nepal during Monsoon season?
(If so - can I get some of those cute Wellies that there's no reason to have in Colorado?)
Hmmm. I really wonder what our baby's name is?
Oh, then what will the middle name be?!
What should I wear to work tomorrow?
Will our baby smile or cry when he/she sees us?
I wonder what our friends in Nepal are doing right... now.
Is our new garden going to give us lots of veggies?
Or will the deer and foxes get fat?
Will our baby be a boy or a girl?
What toys will we take for our baby?
What toys will we take for the other children?
Are these jeans tighter or looser than they were last time I wore them?
Where will we be when we get "the call"?
Which immunization is next?
Sigh...

I wonder if we'll get a match soon?
{Repeat...}

Namaste.

Movement!

Good news! We hear that there is movement in the Nepal program again!  Some families who had gotten matches a few months ago have just received travel approvals. This means they can now go to Nepal to meet and bring home their children! We wish them speedy and safe travels.

We wish the people of Nepal a break from the civil unrest.

And now we wait anxiously for the next set of matches...

Namaste

Uncertainty would be an understatement.

There is massive political unrest in Kathmandu, the likes of which we can't even imagine in this country. Right now, most of the families who are in-country to pick up their children are not even able to leave their hotels. The more than 120,000 protestors have completely shut down the city.

I have always kept this blog positive and hopeful. After a very tumultuous year, this might be the most uncertain and scary time we've experienced. It is with great hesitancy that I even look at news from Nepal, as it hurts my heart. Yet, our future will be determined by these events so far away, so out of our control and happening imminently.

Our thoughts are with the people of Nepal, the families in Kathmandu and the children who are still waiting to meet their forever families. Including what might be our child.

Namaste.

This time last year.

I just went back and read through our blog from April of last year. Seems at this time last year we were excitedly finishing the final bits of paperwork, and then sending our Dossier to Nepal. (I remember tracking it on Fed Ex online every hour.)

It's hard to believe we've been waiting for "the call" for a year now. We'll continue to wait, our hearts ebbing and flowing with every tidbit of news that comes from Nepal. 

We have a shrine in the baby's room, on which we're keeping fresh flowers now that it's spring. 
Namaste.

Blessings to all.

It seems things are moving again with the Nepal Adoption program!

We are very happy for those we know who have received matches with children, or travel approvals.

We hope, we meditate, we wish, we send positive thoughts and we pray with all that we are, that we will someday soon meet our child.

Namaste

Waning Crescent

Nepal is the land of high mountains - and land of many festivals. More than 50 festivals are celebrated in Nepal every year. In the US, our holidays (festivals) have fixed dates. In Nepal, astrologers use the lunar calendar to set dates for religious festivals. I find that fascinating – after all, the moon has so much power over so many things here on earth! I think we sometimes forget to go by the rhythms of nature, rather than the calling of the clock.

I sure hope we can celebrate these festivals with our child someday soon!

Namaste.

Helping women & children in Nepal

Take a moment to look at Namlo International. This tiny organization based here in Colorado builds schools and empowers women and children in Nepal and Nicaragua. I've done a bit of volunteer work with them in the past and plan to do more - they're amazing people who do a lot with very little.

If you have a bit of time or money to contribute - please consider contributing to Namlo. Since we hope to have the honor of giving a home to a child from Nepal, we think it's important to support the country in other ways while we wait.

Namaste.

Good News!!

Wonderful news - it sounds like a few referrals have been released - after such a long quiet period.

We're hoping these children will be joined with their families soon! And we're grateful to the government Nepal for their commitment to the Adoption Program and to the children of Nepal.

We are so excited for the day we get to travel to see this amazing country, and to meet our child.

Namaste for now.

Going Dark.

I'm considering taking this blog private. If you'd like to be invited to view, please send an email to amcstone@gmail.com with your email address. Thank you, and Namaste.

This place of "unknowing".

The longer I’m on this planet, the more familiar I become with this place of “unknowing”. But, while unknowing has become more familiar, it’s not any more comfortable. And I certainly have not grown to like it. (And believe me, I’ve had  p  l  e  n  t  y.)

A main concept of Buddhism is that the cause of human suffering is grasping – or desiring. In the Christian religion it is recognized that human happiness is temporary and dependent. It lasts only as long as the thing that provides the happiness.

I’m no expert, but it seems to me that we could allow this place of not knowing what’s happening in Nepal or with our child overshadow everything else in our lives. We could overlook the happiness and goodness that we DO have in our lives by focusing on what we don’t yet have in our lives. And yep, some days I do just that…I get pretty focused on our baby-to-be.

But every once in a while I attempt to focus on what IS right now, rather than what we want or desire right now. Maybe just a minute a day. Maybe sometimes more. Sometimes less. But, as far as I can tell, this is about the only power I have in this whole process, so I might as well use it.

So, right now, we have each other and our sweet dog, we have our families and our friends. We have a beautiful home in a beautiful place. And we have the great new friends we've met through this process. I don't know what we'll have tomorrow or next month. I only know what we have right now, which is all we every really have anyway, isn't it?

Namaste for now.

Saturday minus one.

It's been a nice Saturday. We had breakfast with friends, then got the dog (Jackson) and went on a great hike. It was sunny and beautiful out, with just enough snow for Jackson to play in. It would have been really nice to have a little one along to complete our family.

Maybe it is because it's been a year since we started this process, maybe it's because we passed a few couples with dogs and small children on the hike, but I'm really missing our baby today. How can you miss something you don't have? I'm not sure - but we both do. 

For the past few months, I've tried to put the adoption situation out of my mind with varying degrees of success. It seems, lately, to be coming into my head, and my heart, much more often. There is space in our lives and our hearts for this child. It's getting closer, I know it.

Namaste.

A Whole Year. And Thicker Skin.

Well, we've been at this for a year now. The adoption process, that is. We both thought we'd be traveling to Nepal over the holidays in 2009, and be home in early 2010 with our baby. That was based on not only our gut feelings, but on expectations that were set for us.

Although we were prepared for a wait, and had been advised of the risks involved with international adoption, I don't think either of us would have expected this last year to be what it has been. The news and movement has been so little - that we can't help but be a bit down and saddened. While we've put the day when we'll meet our baby out of our immediate minds (not buying baby things, preparing the room, nor talking much about it), I don't think an hour goes by when I don't think of it.

But, in my life I've seen things happen that I never would have expected, nor did I see coming. We are where we are - and that is in complete and total unknowing. And I can't help but wonder what's in store for us. I sure hope it's a family... but that seems so incredibly far away right now.

Namaste.